Chceš do držky?

The history of Czech beer is very interesting. At the end of the second world war, General George Custer liberated Pilsen. On the back of the army trucks, they brought the amazed and grateful citizens genuine American Budweiser beer. On their first sip of this golden beverage, Czech’s begged for the recipe. Reluctantly, we taught the poor deprived Czech people how to make beer. Now, after sixty years, Czechs have eventually produced a vague copy of our beer. While it’s clearly not as good as the Original Budweiser from Milwaukee, the Czech beer is tolerable. Just today I told this story to a Czech friend. His answer was, “chceš do držky?”, which
means “do you want one in the cheek?” I thanked him for his generous offer, but said I’d rather drink some good American beer… (….řekl Fred a probudil se s rukou v nočníku 🙂 – poznámka JP)

26 odpovědí na “Chceš do držky?”

  1. Nice story, Fred! While we are telling stories, and while we are discussing words like “drzka”, let me ask you, do you have any explanation why the word “kurva” means something completely different west of As then east of As? I have my own theory, I was wondering if you have an explanation?

  2. Great story, apart from the fact that it was George Patton who liberated Moscow in 1945. Hope that you can take a silly joke. Pablo Neruda.

  3. Potká býk krávu a zeptá se jí: “Chceš do dršťky?” 😀

  4. Lahvak:

    Just outside Stockholm is a place called “Konigs Kurva”, which I suppose should translate into, “da King’s ho”…

    Seriously, I don’t know why it would be so different east and west, other than the obvious linguistic reasons. What’s your theory, Mr. Bottle? (Isn’t that what Lahvak means, bottle?)

    Pablo:

    Wait a minute! George Patton? Not George Custer? Oh well, they’re almost exactly the same person anyway. At least everyone agrees on the most important (and indisputable) historical fact…who taught the Czechs to make beer…

  5. Ahoj, chlapci,

    ked som ja bol v LA (Ca) s bratom, hovorili sme tomu ich Budweisu “bull piss”…
    Inac, neviem preco spominate Plzen, ked sa Budweiser vyraba v Ceskych Budejoviciach. Alebo sa mylim?

  6. Pure ignorant crapola as usual. Confusing Custer with Patton isn’t funny, it’s feebleminded. Also Mr.Custer was no longer a General bur merely Lt. Colonel at the time of his death. Budweiser beer originates from Saint Louis not from Milwaukee.
    Another typical mistranslation; držka-dršt’ka isn’t cheek (tvář) perhaps snout (rypák) would be more appropriate. It’s painful to see so many idiotic errors from this particular contributor in just about every article of he churns out.
    Such a shallow scribbler (povrchní písmák) must be immediately deported the from the sophisticated Czech Rep. back to his hillbilly family (rodinka venkovských balíků) in rural America and never be heard from again, dumb ignoramus!

  7. It’s funny how the Czech tend to be sensitive about beer. Fred, maybe it would be nice to send your story to some danish newspaper, so they can make a comics out of it. 🙂

  8. Good heavens, Mr. Cheezzy. No, Fred is not a history professor, nor does he claim to be one. He is a comedian. I think his postings are funny, and I thoroughly enjoy them. If I didn’t, I probably just wouldn’t read them, but I certainly wouldn’t advocate deporting him. Trying to shut him down because you don’t like his humor is reminiscent of the old days of communism; thank God those days are gone, and may they never return.

  9. Ta veselá historka mi nebezpečně připomíná popírání holokaustu. Teď s tím měl jeden borec problémy; nedostal sice do držky, ale vyfásnul tři roky. Tak bacha, Frede, bacha! Nevíš, do čeho se řítíš!

  10. Ok, Fred, here you go:

    Imagine yourself at the very brink of European civilization, somewhere on a vast plane of what is now Poland or eastern part of Germany. You see in front of you a plane stretching monotonously in all directions, with a solitary tree, perhaps an oak, in the middle. There is a dusty path, sort of ill maintained road with clearly visible wheel and animal tracks. The road goes in pretty much straight manner towards the tree, takes a turn right under the tree, and continues toward the horizon. It’s early morning, completely quiet save a meadow lark singing somewhere high in the sky.

    Suddenly the silence is interrupted by sound of several pairs of heavy boots on the grass and rocks, and occasional military command in a rough Proto-Germanic dialect. A small military unit in close ranks enters from one side, marching perpendicularly to the road, towards the tree. They are dressed in skins and leather armors, carrying oaken war hammers. They march towards the tree, where
    the commander points at one of the men, yelling commands at him for a while. Then the rest of the unit continues their march, leaving the man behind.
    Apparently he is supposed to be a sort of sentry, keeping eyes on things and
    reporting everything that happens during the day.

    The morning proceeds uneventfully, as the sun slowly climbs up the sky. The shadow of the tree moves so that the soldier is no longer in the shade, however, he does not move to seek shelter from the hot sun. When the sun is almost at the highest point of its journey, something finally happens. First you can hear a disturbing noise, a combination of animal sounds, squeaking of wheels, and very off-tune whistling. Then you can see a carriage following a road, apparently pulled by a goat. It is loaded with an improbable assortment
    of cheap bronze artifacts, some of them painted so they look almost, but not quite like high quality iron, mud pottery, some of it painted to look kind of like high quality stoneware, and many other hard to recognize items. On top of this unsightly pile sits a Slavic merchant. His appearance is not much more aesthetically pleasing then the pile he is sitting on. He is holding a large gourd, and, despite the morning hour, he is obviously quite drunk. He is whipping his goat into what can be only called a quite unbelievable speed, considering the state of his conveyance.

    He passes the soldier, who is standing in the gutter, leaning on his war hammer and observing the situation. It is apparent that he is quite used to this scene. He does not seem a bit surprised when the driver, without slowing down, enters the curve, flips his vehicle, and, yelling “Kurva!” at the top of his lungs, lands in the dust in the middle of all his junk.

    The driver picks himself up from the dust, straightens his “chariot”, tosses all his junk into it, and after administering several mighty kicks to the wheels, the goat and several shards of pottery that seem to be littering the whole place, he climbs on top of his mobile junk pile and drives away.

    The rest of the day passes uneventfully, and when the military unit returns back to pick up the sentry, he only reports that “it happened again”. His commander passes the report higher after returning back to the camp.

    Apparently, the exact same story gets reported by other sentries scattered throughout the country, and the elders of the tribe, ancestors of Kant, Nietzsche, Hegel, and Leibniz, come to the only possible conclusion: the words the Slavs always yell while plummeting into the dust can only mean the feature in the road where this kind of accidents always happen.

    The rest is history.

  11. It has come to our attention that an unauthorized foreigner has attacked the honor and history of the sophisticated Czech Republic. In his ignorantly dumb commentary on the origins of beer, he has brought disgrace onto not only the slovo dne web site, but the entire Republic.

    The foreign police were notified yesterday evening. The alleged perpetrator, identified as “Fred” has been apprehended and is now being held for questioning and eventual deportation as a persona non grata. We regret this unpleasant incident.

    To clarify the official position of the Ministry:

    Czech beer was invented in China. It was discovered by Marco Polo, who brought it back to the Bohemian lands along with a new type of shirt and a game played by rich men with horses. Although beer was originally used for powering small motorized wristwatches, some innovative people eventually discovered its intoxicating qualities. Soon after, the first government was formed so that these same enterprising individuals could shout at each other over matters beyond their control or understanding.

    Please accept the Ministry and Government’s sincere apologies for allowing this evil ignoramus to disseminate his abhorrent crapola. He will be harshly dealt with.

    In the future, report any and all such instances directly to me at frantisek@mvcr.cz

    Sincerely,

    Frankie B.

  12. Jestliže někdo popírá holokaust, tak je trouba, ale to snad ve svobodné zemi není trestný čin. Neprovedl ten borec ještě něco jiného?

    Lidé, kteří z jakýchkoli důvodů nechtějí přiznat, jak to doopravdy bylo, vždycky byli a vždycky budou. Tomu se bohužel nevyhneme, ať máme vládu jakoukoliv. Tím víc je to naší povinností, pokud chceme, aby nás ostatní brali vážně, abychom si sami dávali pozor, a mluvili a psali jen a jen pravdu. A když zjistíme, že jsme se v něčem sekli, tak to musíme ihned opravit. Bráním však Freda, protože je snad všem jasné, že nám své moudrosti nepodává jako vážnou historii. Je to pro zasmání. Někomu se jeho humor líbí, jinému třeba ne. Ale je to humor.

  13. Have never heard this.I am smarter, now ;-). But as one czech idiom says: Duveruj,ale proveruj! I checked official web site a there i solution:

    Budějovický Budvar brewery

    The quality and reputation of Budějovice beer, whose history dates back to the 13th century, led to the original, and often copied and imitated recipe and name.

    Budějovický Budvar has been one of the most successful food industry companies in the Czech Republic for a long time. Almost half of its production is exported over 60 countries worldwide.

    The modern history of the brewery dates back to 1967 when the Czech Republic’s Ministry of Agriculture founded the state enterprise Budějovický Budvar as a direct successor to Český akciový pivovar, which had been brewing beer in České Budějovice since 1895. Český akciový pivovar was set up by privileged Czech brewers, citizens holding a brewing licence, who were upholding a brewing tradition in České Budějovice (formerly Budweis) stretching back for over 700 years.

    Budějovický Budvar owns valuable intellectual property in the form of more than 380 trademarks registered in 101 countries. The best-known trademarks are Budweiser, Budvar, Budweiser Budvar, Bud, Budějovický Budvar, and Czechvar. This immense intellectual wealth is related to its place of origin, the city of České Budějovice, formerly also known as Budiwoyz and Budweis.

    Gradual, focused expansion on to foreign markets and improving domestic sales have made Budějovický Budvar a key beer market player in the Czech Republic and other countries. By volume Budweiser Budvar original premium lager is one of the Czech Republic’s most exported beer brands. Over 670 employees currently work at Budějovický Budvar, n. p.

    Our mission

    Tradition: In producing the original Budweiser Budvar lager, we use traditional methods and build on the knowledge and skills handed down to us over generations of brewers.

    Quality: We brew our beer from top quality ingredients – Žatec hops, Moravian barley malt, and water from our own artesian wells.

    Uniqueness: Our lager’s delicious taste unique ingredients and style make it the preferred lager of thousands of lovers of quality beer the world over.

    Originality: Wherever in the world you buy your Budweiser Budvar, you can be sure that it was brewed at source in České Budějovice (formerly Budweis). This is why our products can enjoy “protection based on the place of origin” as part of the Czech Republic’s accession to the European Union.

    I am not sure if American General was in Ceske Budejovice before 13th century…
    If he was, want to see some photos… 😉

  14. One more thing, there were some gossips of origin; but now it is solved (forever and ever):

    Budweiser Budvar – a significant victory in Finland – České Budějovice 5th January 2006 – After almost 10 years of legal disputes, Budweiser Budvar, N.C. has defended its rights in Finland and achieved yet another significant victory over the American company Anheuser-Busch, Inc. On 29th December 2005, the Supreme Court in Helsinki settled Budweiser Budvar’s appeal by agreement. This ruling confirms the right to use “Budějovický Budvar” trademark as well as the company denotation “Budweiser Budvar, N.C.” to indicate the producer on labels and promoting materials. The ruling is final and cannot be appealed against. Furthermore, Anheuser-Busch has to pay a refund of legal expenses to Budweiser Budvar.

    Jdeme na pivo!
    (jen na jedno ? 😉 )

  15. Ani ne, kamarád američan mi říkal, že Bud a podobné jsou takové bezpohlavní břečky, protože musí “chutnat” každému, a USA jsou dost veliké, musí to být taková zprůměrovaná chuť. Ale prý ve státech existuje plno malých místních pivovarů, které vyrábí docela dobré pivo (tvrdil on, ale musím říct že po 10 letech pobytu tady to byl celkem kvalifikovaný odborník 🙂 ), jejich produkce se však ven moc nedostane.

  16. LOL!!! Was that a naive drunk American writing there? 🙂

    Well anyway… maybe its something in the air these days… there are so many “funny” FAKE articles to be found on the net… Dunno, maybe I am “old school” or something but I dont get it… People are “making fun” by making up weird stuff and presenting it as facts… I mean WEIRD, EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE stuff… not just UFO and such… (for example http://www.novinky.cz – an article about a student called Celestius who supposedly raped a whole farm of animals leaving THICK layer of his sperm and excrements covering the premises….HUH?!)

    Personally, I prefer good old George Carlin – bitter, nasty but SHARP!

    So this little article seems like an attempt to get more “intensive” reactions… if not, then I would REALLY like to know what the point was… Fun? Well, then again, I dont get it…. could somebody explain? 🙂

    As for the facts – the only thing you have to do is GOOGLE it… but if you are too lazy this might help a bit:

    Beer
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer

    American Beer
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_beer

    American Pilsner
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_pilsner

    Czech Beer
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Czech_beer

    Have a great day,
    Kelly

    PS Just so you know – I really DO think that there is something seriously wrong with brewing BAD beer, selling it cheap and then, after lots of people buy it, starting to call it KING OF BEER. And yes, it definitely IS bad! ;o)

  17. gret story, Fred!

    could you please track the history of thr root beer? i just wonder who was the first man on earth to produce such a disgusting drink… lucky us that you can not buy it here ;]

    as for the quality of american beer: vojta ir right. the stuff from smaller breweries is much better, i even tasted some really good things. the strangest thing I noticed was that “budweiser”, which is produced in canada under the licence of anheuser busch, is completely different than the american one. maybe it is because canadians are just better at brewing than yankees ;]

  18. Root beer was invented by Unix programmers in the seventies. It is composed of those system administrators who’s access privilages have been revoked by higher authority. These unfortunates tend to ferment when unconnected to a computer.

  19. Kelly, and any others:

    The title of this particular article is “chces do drzky?” This is actually a rare thing to hear here since the Czech people are so phlegmatic. Few things provoke them to even threaten a suggestion of physical violence.

    But anyone who doesn’t swear, on their grandmother’s virginity, that Czech beer is superior to all others in the world puts his (and it could only be a guy who would be so stupid) life at risk.

    I think the point is amply proven here. Anyone who really thinks I believe that General George Custer brought beer to Bohemia just isn’t paying attention. Note the answer to my little fairy tale is, “ya wanna punch in the nose?” I think this is an apt illustration of what kind of situation can rise to the level that your average Czech is provoked to nose punching.

    I’m terribly distraught that there are those who don’t think this was funny. I have been in awful agony all weekend, tormenting myself with guilt. I figure the only way I can do penance for this horrible injury I have committed upon the weak and defenseless is to punish my liver. Therefore, in a state of penintent remorse, I’m gonna have a beer…

    If you want to read something clever, witty, funny, and worthy of your time and attention, may I draw your attention to Lahvak’s witty explication of “kurva”, which I’m sure shall meet with your approval.

  20. Dear Fred,

    I must admit, I fell in love with this site immediately, so please, accept my thanks and forget the guilt! 😉

    As for punching somebody…well, I wasnt exactly punched but I did get THE LOOK when I refused a bottle of that american-yellow-water-with-the-beautiful-name-king-of-beer-thing and had to explain, what my standpint was 😉

    But you have proven your point – although you didnt get punched (but who knows what would have happened IRL, right? 🙂 your article didnt fail to get “intense” reactions from readers and whats more – you got people actually researching their “heritage”! 🙂

    And the rest? Well, there ARE too many “funny fake” articles these days, dont you think? 🙂

    Have a great day and enjoy your beer,
    Kelly

    PS And ARE you? – naive drunk American? 😛 (chces do drzky?) LOL!

  21. Kelly, my surprisingly attractive and clearly very intelligent, kind, and cultured reader, having just recovered from a month-long hangover, I got around to reading the comments here…

    Just as Paul McCartney sang, “Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs” you can see that I just want to fill the world with silly fake explanations of Czech.

    Unfortunately, I alternate, (randomly) between being serious and being completely un-serious.

    The worst of it is that even I don’t know which is which. So I end up having to go back over months of postings and then research on Google (see vyguglovat) to see whether I was full of it or being truthful.

    Fortunately, my well-trained team of psychiatrists have agreed to allow me access to the internet on a sporadic basis so I can eventually figure out which I am being at any one time.

    Oh, here they come with my medication again. Gotta sign off. See you all soon…

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