A long time ago, a long way away, someone who I cannot remember once gave me the extraordinarily valuable and useful term, “hersey squirts”. This is, technically speaking, the chocolate liquid that sprays out when you’ve eaten something that you shouldn’t. The other night I had the bad luck to go to a pub (hospoda) where they were not diligent about cleaning their beer keg tubes. As a result, the next morning I sat in the toilet emulating a tuba while emitting occassional eruptions of quite soft fecal matter. This stuff is called “sračka” in Czech. This is similar to what is now known as “Santorum” in English, except it is undiluted with other materials.